October 26, 2016
After two visits to the ER in one weeks time, I had a slow start out of the blocks with a ‘fecal impaction’ for the first tour. By the following week I was picking up the pace with vomiting, dizziness and headaches. Looks like I’m building crops of lesions in my head, I need a freakin’ crop duster! Come on ‘RoundUp’ help a girl out! One word we can all scream out…I’ll confuse you with this tricky puzzle…F K U C!!!!! Got it? Good. Now say it, but try not to shock anyone. Now, LET IT GO!
Humour, at such a time, she’s really lost it. Maybe, and I really don’t care. I have found over the almost 45 years (birthday tomorrow!), humor has gotten me thru a lot, and, damn, I’m gonna use it until the day I die, which will be a RIPE OLD AGE, by the way. Me in my active-old-lady-wear, silver hair, crinkly eyes that sparkle, hiking along the river with my old dog and my matching set of walking sticks! Often times I will think back to my early 40’s when this all began. The time when I was so damn stubborn and was forced to become enlightened in such a way that my world collapsed all around me. Watching it rattle the bones in the ones dearest to my heart. Stripping away all that I thought about myself to be true. Making me dig so deep within myself to find something that lies inside of us ALL! Our own personal tool box of healing ANYTHING. Go inside of your true authentic self and you will find your own tool box. Open it UP! Find our what’s inside, what do you need? Are you lost? Searching? Broken? Diseased? Hungry for something? What is it that keeps you awake at night? Open it up, take what you need and HEAL yourself! Open and take what you need, DAILY! Stay balanced! Don’t become SO unbalanced that it is just wayyyyy too heavy to bear. All of this takes work and discipline. But, it is absolutely necessary and worth it!
OK, so, LESIONS! Yikes! Yes, I don’t know, I’ve lost count. Four are shrinking from the targeted gamma knife radiation. So I think there are about 8-10 more? The one deep within, resting on the top of my cerebellum is the little trouble maker doing all the damage. Thank you docs for Dexamethasone, which is a steroid that reduces swelling and keeping me ALIVE! Also waking me up at 4am to walk the dog, write, meditate, forming huge inspirational speeches in front of hundreds of people, standing ovations…I’ve decided I’ll do that in about 4 more years. Hurrah! Hurrah!
I am not done.
Sometimes I think I am, and that’s OK, but deep down I know I am not.
So, I just go rooting around in my tool box and find what I need for this round.
Which is…F. B. R….FULL BRAIN RADIATION
So, if I can’t remember your name next time I see ya, then do me a favor and wear a name tag.
Better a little forgetful, then gone!
Life is beautiful even when we struggle 
I LOVE YOU!!!! HAppy birthday dear friend. 45 is a good one! 😍
Kaci! Happy birthday! I LOVE you and am SO thankful for your honest blog, so we can know where we need to direct energy. I am sending along SO MUCH love from myself and my family. You are a BIG part of our lives. Keep that toolbox wide open. We love you!
Have a wonderful birthday, Kaci. Thinking of you!
Sending LOVE! You’ve STILL got this sweetie ❤
You have got a lot of awesome tools in that tool box. Love you! beth
Thank you! You are always an inspiration. It is a honor to be part of the friends that are walking with you through this journey where ever it leads. You are always in my thoughts.
Jane W
Sending you happy, happy birthday wishes from Haines! Kaci, you’ve always been a fighter, and I know you will continue to fight.
So glad you have your toolbox. Add a few tools filled with love and energy from all of us who you truly continue to inspire.
Kaci
You have always been such a go getter…
go get ’em now
We’re rooting and praying for you
❤️ Tony and Ed
🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂
Thank you Kaci- you words are inspirational and I will dig deep into my toolbox. Love you and keep on trucking along. Hope to see you soon. You are a powerful force and will be a glorious silver haired old lady to reckon with ❤️
Hey Kaci,
Your words are awakening. We all do need to figure out what we must heal. It is amazing the little shit we worry about and out our energy into until…BAM… The universe drops a big ol’ wake up call on us.
Happy birthday! Wear the crown. Do the dance. Eat the ice cream. And spend the time with people who lift you and ignore the others. Think of you and sending you love and light.
Andy
Love you Kaci -always have. I’m taking your inspiration and keeping you with me. I won’t need a name tag –I’m probably the shortest person you know. Who can forget that? Be strong be well and be loved. Happy Birthday! Which by the way I have in my calendar!
You are one tough cookie with an attitude that all of us need in life. Never give up. Just dig through that tool box. You’ll find what you need. Name tags are nice to have anyway. Thoughts and prayer filling your space. Greg
Beaming you love and light as you look through your tool box. I will be honored to walk with you with my huge, purple sparkly name tag and my crinkly wrinkly deep smile lines along any river. You name the time and place and I will be there ladybug friend. I love you…Here is to many, many more birthdays..
Your tool box is certainly filled with humor, love, and friendships Kaci — all excellent medicine. In fact, I believe it’s the strongest medicine we have in this world!
I love you dear Kaci!
Happy 45 &🍷 here’s to many, many more 🎂
Thank you for sharing your positivity and strength with us, Kaci. I learn a little (BIG) lesson from you every time.
Here’s to crinkly eyes, walks along rivers and old lady active wear! You will rock all of them! We are sending you happy & healthy energy, thoughts and payers. So much love and strength too!!!! xoxoxo
Kaci…..My Love and Prayers are with you my sweet niece…. You are strong and determined, you will win this battle…. Auntie Pat
And nobody will look hotter in those old lady active wear than you. Some things will never change. Happy birthday friend. So much love being sent your way! You are wonder-woman. Xoxo
Hi Kaci, the happiest of birthdays to you. I love your attitude. I myself am a frequent visitor to Virginia Mason’s MRI team and am returning Nov. 21 to see the oncologist re suspected glioma. Might be the cause of my life long epilepsy. If so, that tumor was definitely “slow growing” – decades! But now it might be entering old age – right along with me. I am experiencing that strange wobbly time of uncertainty, so your message of balance resonates. Thank you.