May 18, 2016

Leg 1

Saying goodbye, even ‘see ya later’ isn’t always easy. Especially when my little girls are sobbing saying things like, “Don’t leave Mama!” My neighbor was giving me her farewells and getting emotional when I stated, “I’m not going to war, I’ll be back.” But she retorted with, “Kaci, you are going into your own battle, to battle cancer!” Yikes, your right!

So here I sit waiting for my first plane to take off from Portland to San Francisco. Didn’t sleep well in our hotel last night but Michael and I had a fabulous farewell dinner in Portland called, ‘Expatriate’. The flavours of both food and drink were deep and multi-leveled. It was a perfect exiting meal. Slow, sensuous flavours swirling on every taste bud as the setting sunlight drifted lazy, long, hazy fingers thru the velvet draped windows…..I know what your thinking, but that is exactly what it was like!  Big thank you’s to our neighbors, the Holland’s and Thomas’s for treating us!

Fast forward to goodbye embraces with my sweet husband at the security line. We made it quick and as painless as possible, no need to dive deep into emotions. I ended up sobbing thru the first half of the long line, switch-backing past the same happy-smiling-‘I’m going on a trip’ people. While I stared at the green airport carpet and continuously kept dropping my neck pillow! Gross!

Off to San Fran where I can gather my senses for 3 hours before the long flight to Frankfurt. Luckily I have my sexy skin toned compression socks on, which look even hotter with flip flops. Vienna here I come!

May 19, 2016

After racing thru the Frankfurt airport in my sandals to catch the flight to Vienna, I made it, but my luggage did not. Coming into a foreign country with just what your wearing, your passport and a bag of nuts, is not so comforting. My head is a jungle of thoughts and emotions on top of sleep deprivation. Not knowing what the immunotherapy will do to me, or how I will handle this new treatment, can be scary.

I caught a taxi quickly and was whisked away to my new home for the next month,               19 Jheringgasse, Vienna 1150 Austria. My Turkish taxi driver, Gengiz (like Genghis Khan), told me how him and his family fled the bombings in Turkey when he was 7. I thought about my little 7 year old back at home, safe, fed, looked after….

I was met at the front wooden doors by my Airbnb host, Georg. He welcomed me in and showed me the ropes for my sweet little flat on the 3rd floor. Clean, bright and quiet! By the time I got into bed that night, I still hadn’t gotten my luggage. Feeling like such a foreigner and already missing my family on day 1 of my 39 days, I grabbed my journal to help release the jumble in my mind. When I heard my door buzzer buzz I leaped out of bed! There was my bag being delivered to #18 Englisch. Instant attitude and heart lift. Thank you, Danke Shön. It felt like a hug from my family. Encouraging me that I can do this. Whatever it takes.

May 21, 2016

I wasn’t mentally prepared for my first day at Kleef’s klinic. Thinking it was going to be a simple meet and greet turned into 9 1/2 hours of tests and treatments. Everything being delivered in a language I don’t understand with very broken up English. Is that oxygen your strapping onto my head? Or ether? Is that the correct needle to access my American port? What drugs are you attaching to my IV? Arsenic? Of course thats just my mind freaking out, they are lovely and very helpful and knowledgable.          Yaw yaw CawCee, yu strong gurl, yu fine, sportee ladee!  Where am I, what’s happening to me? I spent an hour and 1/2 naked in a heat chamber/bed sweating my ass off, trying to meditate and release. Unable to let go…thinking, thinking…..you’ve done more difficult things Kaci. You know what you signed up for. You can do this! The hour & 1/2 was difficult to say the least, so I’m finding it hard to comprehend what 8 hours will feel like on Wednesday, May 25! Maybe that’s what it will take to ‘let go’. Moment to moment….

For 5 days, May 30-June 3, I will be getting some heavy duty treatments. I will be checked into the hospital where they will be watching me around the clock in the Intensivüberwachung (ICU). I will be given a drug called Interleukin 2 and holding a 104+ degree temperature for the duration. My body will produce mass amounts of smarter and stronger white blood cells with a mission to Search & Destroy. Which they WILL succeed. I gotta be honest but Intensivüberwachung makes me nervous. I’m glad I have a week to prepare.

When I was finally released, I was feeling overwhelmed and starved. I found a quant health food store, natürlich gesund. The owner handed me some rolls and a container of different salads as a gift. I was so touched by his generosity, but all I could do was smile and say, ‘danka’. Munching on a roll I came across a beautiful cathedral and walked in. I sat down in the serenity listening to a small choir of 4 practicing. I was brought to tears by……….. well, EVERYTHING! After I choked down my bread, I made a prayer and lit a candle, asking for guidance and release of anything that does not serve me anymore.

Strolling along thru the enormous gartens of Shönbrunn, being taken away by the balmy Viennese breeze, scent of roses, dancing trees…. I was drawn to a gentle green hill with a zig-zag trail leading up to a ‘Gloriette’. And glorious it was. It felt good to be up high looking down on all the splendor of Wein (Vienna). That’s when I noticed a mother duck and her babies caught in a huge cement pool. I tried to look the other way, but of course I could not. So there I went searching for an entry into the closed off zone. I climbed the rusty ladder down into their jail cell. After having a little chat with the mama, she agreed to let me rescue them into my very white sweater. Mama followed close behind and flew out to meet me. After getting a safe distance away from the duck tomb. I kneeled down and released those cuties with their little quackers quacking, where they all lined up behind mom and waddled towards the setting sun over Vienna.

Now that felt good! So my 20 minute walk back to my flat took 2 hours, and every step of the way I will remember forever.