July 28, 2015

Today my chemotherapy arrives by way of UPS. No signature required. They will leave the drugs on my front porch. So bizarre…
“Oh Look Everyone!!! My package ARRIVED!!! How Exciting!!!”

I will start taking my 11 pills tomorrow for the next 3 months, which, ironically ends on my 44th birthday.

Sitting in my garden, I hear the familiar UPS truck pull up, metallic doors sliding open, flash of brown suited delivery guy thru the fence, stomach drops….it’s for me. And there it is, just a plain little brown box sitting on my welcome mat. I pick it up, take it inside, grab a knife and open it up. Paperwork I choose not to read, I already know what I need to know. The 2 bottles are within a sickly yellow bag with a biohazard sign on it…great!

Tomorrow I will crack the bottles open and begin dosing myself with this new poison. I know I can do this again, it’s just the fact that I AM doing this AGAIN, when I truly thought it was behind me. This is sometimes hard to swallow. But this life of mine is WORTH IT. My children are WORTH IT. My husband is WORTH IT. My family are WORTH IT. My friends are WORTH IT. I AM WORTH IT.

So lets take these damn pills and imagine them melting away all that cancer, cleaning my body and mind, leaving behind only golden LOVE LIGHT!