December 31, 2013

Goodbye 2013, hello Healthy 2014!

It’s the morning of New Year’s Eve. The last day of 2013, which is just fine with the Kef-Ahmutys! Yes, we had some good times, but more then enough drama for a year. Cancer was the icing on the cake, not really good icing. Luckily I found the icing in 2013, or else it could have been curtains in 2014! Yikes.

I’m half way thru the toxic world of chemotherapy, then off to Mastectomy Island, straight for Radiation Rapids. I guess I haven’t quite accepted cancer because everyday I have that realization, “Oh my God, I Have Cancer, and where is my HAIR!”

My friend, Sandy, and I were walking the dogs, and I said, ” I’m the amazing Kaci Keffer! This was not part of the plan!”  Sandy said, “It’s not part of anyone’s plan.”       But, but, but……I’m Kaci Keffer!………. Damn, I suppose your right. This sucks for everyone. It’s not part of anyone’s plan, yet, 5,000 people are diagnosed with the Big C everyday.

January 8, 2014

As I sit here now in the familiar infusion room, where everyone know’s my name, I am amongst many bald headed wonders whom have cancers I cannot even pronounce. I feel blessed that this cancer I have is just in the breast which will be removed and thrown out never to be seen again. These sweet folks sitting around me have much longer roads to follow. The guy to my left is on his final chemo, but still has a way to go. His wife is always sitting next to him, loving him, reading to him, loving him. The guy to my right is missing a leg and can only speak in whispers. What happened to him? I watched his eyes light up as he shared his stories of living in Alaska working on the pipe line. What will become of these fellow cancer strangers? I will most likely never see them again. Our paths crossed…just this once~maybe to just share a few smiles and stories which may help us feel the hope and strength to see us thru this mess or blessing.

I’m beginning to see my family struggling with their emotions. Everyone is trying to be strong for me, but we are all human. My wonderful mother in law, JoJo, sent me a kitchen towel of a melting snow man which says, ‘ Everyone’s entitled to an occasional meltdown!’ So perfect!  I tell my family it is OK to be sad, cry, scream! Let It Out! Because if you don’t it may morph into cancer, and none of us want to go thru this crap again!  I know I’m supposed to stay strong and positive along with the breakdowns, but when one has cancer it has a way of giving you so much strength, positivity, and weakness it becomes exhausting!!!!

I have so much support and people love me so much, sometimes I ask myself, Why? I’m kind of a brat, always have been. When I was a kid I would massage my father’s feet after work, which I didn’t really enjoy. Now my 80 year young Dad is massaging my feet! He turns on gentle music, lays blankets and pillows near the fire, uses soothing lotion and quietly rubs them down for at least an hour! His wise, old hands have so much love in them. As he rubs my feet memories of what those feet did in my track days dance thru his head, he loved those days!

We truly landed in a magical neighborhood. I feel as tho’ we are surrounded by angels. They are all so loving and helpful with our children and supply us with nourishing meals. It’s amazing!

When this is all behind us just think of all the knowledge, power, and gratitude we will all have. Oh! and the fabulous new set of ta-ta’s, chi-chi’s, barroom-ski’s!!!!!!

love to you,

Kaci